Cortland

A favorite tool I use when writing these blurbs is the website Apple Rankings. Written by comedian Brian Frange, it often gives extremely harsh but comical reviews of apple varieties. I’ll leave a blurb here from Apple Ranking’s review of Cortlands, but I promise these are tastier than it makes it sound.

Discovered in 1898, in the remarkably not Cortland city of Geneva, NY this flattened McIntosh sandbag of shit continues the age-old tradition of dragging the apple reputation of New York State into the sewer.